Judgement day?

Today was not good at all. Things aint where it should be and everything dont seems right to me. Just when things was going back into place, just when i understood your feelings and just when i realised my mistake, you gave up. I felt lost and abandoned. I teared my eyes dry but still couldnt suppress the pain and agony going on inside me. I am devastated.
You never want to hear from me again. Thats how close and strong our friendship is? A phrase from yellowcard came into my mind and it stayed there all day long, "its ok to be angry but never let go" I know going to the extreme is your nature but do you understand how i feel? You'll never understand cos you have nvr love someone so deeply and get rejected or ignored before. You have relieved my memory of how heart broken i was when i was into siewyi. You did the same to me. Am i that detestable?
2 months of close friendship, we were getting closer and closer by the days and i felt that i could tell you everything but 1 mistake from me and out i go from your circle of friends. Im hurt and wounded right in the heart of the heart. Just wanted to be friends with you now but no second chance. Which reminds me of the song second chance by hillsong. I am really lonely now, i got no friend that i could talk to so freely in my poly and i thought that you could be the one that God sent down for me but you left. Who do i go to now?
Theres a God up there who cares for me and that i know will not leave me but i also know that he is showing me that he care through you. What can i say or do to have you back my friend? I apologise again that feelings developed for you after this period of closeness. Losing someone? I rather have cancer and have you by my side talking to me. I really hope we could talk again and be the friends we used to be. Enjoyed the times when you came all the way down to RP to find me, im touched and appreciate it. Thats how sweet a friend you can be but why let go of me, im still holding on.
The world is full of dirty stuff but i hope i can be the one protecting you from all these as a friend. No feelings involved.
Im feeling everything negative now but i hope life goes well for you and may God bless you with many caring friends.
"How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done, I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run. I know that I've hurt you, things will never be the same"